How Worthless am I?!

So I'm in my car AGAIN ( do some of my best thinking there) driving through the back roads of Fredericton, listening to JoyFM. I'm singing along with the music when my singing stops dead. The song was When God Made You by Natalie Grant and Newsong. The words are, "When God made you, He must have been thinking about me" http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/newsong/when-god-made-you.html.

It's a great sentimental thought, "you seem so perfect for me", along with all those wonderful phrases we use when we're in love. Really though!? Honestly, how vain is that? When God created you the thoughts that entertained him was not his love for the individual he in the moment was creating, but the person they would marry.
To think my creation was not out of God's love for me, but for someone else!? How worthless am I?!

Movement

I was on my way over to my friend's place and had the local Christian radio station playing and FFH came on the radio. I'm no where's close to being a FFH fan. However as their song played it caused me to ask my spirit a question.

The main line of the song goes,

"Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way
and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away,
waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move, or move me"

(http://www.lyricsdownload.com/ffh-lord-me-or-move-me-lyrics.html).

The question I asked my spirit was, "Are you willing to ask God to remove you from a place of ministry if you are hindering his work?". It seems like a no brainer, especially if you are ministering in a place where you want to be moved.

I really had to search my heart for the answer, when I put the question into my current context. Being at River Valley, I can't imagine being, or have any desire to be, anywheres else, so it'd be extremely difficult for me to pray this song.

My current prayer is, if there ever comes a time when I am hindering the moving of the Holy Spirit, he will bring me to a point of discernment and humility that I recognize this, so I may be moved to where I am effectively being used by the Holy Spirit.

Why?!

Yesterday I went to see The Skeleton Key. I tend to enjoy going to "horror" films. Each time I go to see if Hollywood has created a movie that can scare me. Unfortunately, The Skeleton Key failed to even come close to achieving this goal the only movie to be successful in the last few years was "The Bogeyman".

For some reason I got to those movies wanting to be scared and I know I'm not alone in this. The thing I don't understand is "why". Why do we actually wanna subject ourselves to two hours of mental torment, which is followed by us cautious entering rooms and sometimes pulling the covers over our heads.

I'm not totally flippant about what I watch I tend to avoid things I know glorify the demonic. For example I was extremely convicted for watching The Exorcist. I wasn't freaked out by it, but as I watched it, I knew was opening myself up to attacks. So I have stuck away from all the it's sequels.

So here's the pyscho-analytical question of the week. What in our pyschy incites us to cautiously freak ourselves out?

Principles

Going through Bible College you are filled with Principles. There's 5 Principles of Christian living, 10 principles of money management, 3 Principles to keeping your toe jam organized and so on. Don't get me wrong principles are great guide lines for living and while I was at Worship East I came up with a principle I think will be very beneficial in ministry.

There are many times as an assistant pastor you are scared to do something for fear of the repercussions. We're scared someone will find something wrong with our decision and this causes us to miss out on opportunities or do allot of unnecessary work. For this reason I have instituted the Who's gonna stop me? principle. Before you get the wrong idea, this isn't a license to go out and just be a jerk or act without thinking. It's not even a might makes right mentality. The principle is to be used in relation to those minor details of ministry. In these times of ambiguity when you would like to do something and are scared that there maybe negative consequences takes these 3 easy steps.

1. Ask yourself "What could possibly go wrong?"
2. If something could go wrong, determine if the
possible negative outcomes are an acceptable risk.
3. Announce your plan or idea, and Act.

If anyone has a serious problem with your idea or plan, this is where they will try to stop you. In essence Steps 3 is you asking "Who's gonna stop me?". Except instead of being a challenge it's more an invitation for people to speak up.

The Lure of Love

I'm what some may call a gradual reader. I'll take 3 or 4 books and read them all over the span of a few months, while others may take 1 book and read it in a week. Then there's you over achievers who read 20 books a month.

In reading one of the final chapters of The Sacred Romance a switch clicked in my head. In this chapter John Eldredge relives how he & his wife, Stasi, took a trip to the "chateau" where they spent their honeymoon, in an attempt to save their marriage. As my eyes touched each word I realized for most of my Christian life I have looked at God as my judgemental father. I was Constantly trying to seek & earn his approval. Knowing I never could, and grace would cover me, I still sought to prove to God, I was a "good boy". I kept trying to make my dad proud of me.

In Scripture God portrays himself as a judge, a master, a father, and as a husband to the church. I think that each of these is a way we relate with God as we continue in our journey and mature in Christ.

As I concluded The Sacred Romance God and I ventured into unchartered waters for me. Our relationship left the realm of judgement and entered into romance.This is a sacred place of union, only husband and wife can know, it is where defenses are dropped. Where there is no longer an attempt to prove worth. They love not for what the other has done or does. It is a selfless love they share with each other. Their actions are not an attempt to prove their love but are motivated by their love.